i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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