Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
