Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
