a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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