Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize