So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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