Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
