I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
