They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
