i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
