Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My life is pants optional.
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