just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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