Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
