At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
