paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
