theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
