Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
