We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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