I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
