if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
