My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
