You made me cry and you don't even care
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
