I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
