oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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