You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
