First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
