thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you had me at cake vodka
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
