A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
