So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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