Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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