i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
