Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
