happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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