i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
