How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
