Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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