If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
