Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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