uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
two words: eviction party
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
