i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
