oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we're making bets on your personal life
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
