Cold hands, warm shart.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
