I wish I could teleport
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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