3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
