i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
