Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
