youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
