omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
