bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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