how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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