He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
