Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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