just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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