I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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