We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
