My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
