If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
