APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
