I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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