Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
