Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
