I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
