Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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