We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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