you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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