why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
