i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
