@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize