If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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