I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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