It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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