dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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