Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
