I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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