we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
