STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
